Monday, December 5, 2016

Happiness...

Happiness. What is it? I think I know. I know it when I have it. It is more elusive these days and I try to hold on to it when I find it. I feel like I often write about things that are depressing and sad. That is how I feel a lot of the time...it just is. People worry about me because they think I am too sad. Grieving Mary is well, depressing. But there are things that make me happy, very happy in fact. It is not constantly doom and gloom in my head.
I am happy for the 12, almost 13 years of life and love Mary gave all of us. And I am beyond happy that she made me a mom for the first time. She was the best, most valuable gift in the entire world. The only thing I ever really wanted to be. The only thing I ever dreamed about being.
I am happy about the awareness of pediatric cancer Mary's story brought to the masses and the catalyst for change that her story has sparked.
I am happy that I have another sweet and amazing daughter whom we call "Maddy" or "Mad Dog".  She is beautiful and tough and determined. She is full of self confidence and charm. She is definitely a spunky fashionista and my "Mini Me". Maddy is in the throws of preteen drama but it keeps life interesting daily.  She definitely  knows what she wants and goes after it.
I am happy and proud to have the opportunity to raise a son and a son who is amazingly talented. He is artistic and really intelligent. He is, of course, adorable and he has the sweetest cheeks and gives the warmest hugs. He is funny and charming and proves it true that "boys just love their mamas." There is nothing better than having a boy who adores me and there is something extra special about that.
I am happy to have a husband who protects our family and who stood by and fought valiantly when Mary was so sick. He loves me no matter what and thinks I am beautiful when I am a mess. He wants the best for us always and it is his #1 goal. He allows me to be a stay at home mom and I am able to be creative and try to be the best mom I know how to be.
I am happy we live in a wonderful community of amazing people. It is the perfect place for us and I hope we never leave. (Unless we one day move to the beach 😉) The support and love and friendships we have made here can not be replaced or praised enough.
I am happy I have the family I have. My parents worked hard to give me a great life. I would almost venture to say is was close to perfect. I have memories of growing up happy and content. We lived in a perfect neighborhood with tons of kids and friends. I was free to roam and ride my bike and stay out until after dark. I always felt safe and very loved. Although we were not a wealthy family we had a lot of love and laughter. We are a very close family and I talk to my mom daily and my sister almost as much. Even my dad is a pretty good texter. My parents worked hard to provide for us with the necessities of life and more. At the time I wasn't able to fully comprehend their sacrifice.
I am happy I grew up unaware of cancer and difficulties and the injustices of the world. I was able to just be a kid and be happy. I always wanted to give my children the same. And I think I have.
I am happy to live in America and thankful most people I encounter are good and kind.
I am happy I am free to do what I want and travel and grow as a human.
I am happy for my church and religion. I am happy to know God and learn faith. I am thankful God is forgiving and never leaves me. I am grateful for this blessing and knowledge.
Of course my list could go on and on. But these are the main thank you's and blessings and things I am happy for.  I encourage you to also count your "happiness" when feeling down. It helps.
P.S. Cats, the ocean and butterfly kisses also top my list of HAPPY THINGS 😊

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. Kevyn Aucoin

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. Khayyan




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