Today has been hard. One of those days I just wanted or needed to cry ALL DAY LONG. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's that cancer is attacking our family again or maybe there isn't a really good reason. I think missing Mary is reason enough though.
Late this afternoon I got a text from one of Mary's close friends. This friend was so so special to us but mostly he was special to Mary. His family is also special and they have been a big support to us before cancer and after. The text asked if he could have some pictures of he and Mary because he only had one. I don't know why he requested these and it doesn't matter. It means a lot to me that he wants them. I asked if he wanted pictures of them together and he said "Sure or of just her". Later his mom told me he confessed to her that he thinks of Mary "all the time". I was immediately flooded with memories of time the two of them spent together. Mary and J met because he is the older brother of Maddy's BFF. And at some point during the girl's friendship Mary and J met and became quick friends. They loved hanging out and playing Minecraft together and just being happy, sweet kids. This boy has the kindest heart of any child I have ever known. He was always so sweet and polite and we love him to pieces. We loved him enough and trusted him enough to let him have spend the nights with Mary during her treatment. One memory I will never forget from which I have pictures and from which I sent him is of a "date day" the two of them spent together. If I had to ever say Mary had affection for a boy it would be J. When they were together I could see the love between them and I imagine if we let her date he would be her first love. It makes me sad to think this never got to really be though. I wanted Mary to experience everything she could in her short life that made her happy and spending time with J made her very happy. I was offered tickets to the Atlanta Zoo and while Mary was between chemo treatments we were able to go. She asked J to go and I was blessed to witness a beautiful friendship blossom. It was a good day. The day of the zoo adventure Mary met me at the bottom of the stairs dressed in a beautiful new sundress, cute earrings and some makeup. I had tears in my eyes and I knew this was going to be a special day. I asked Mary if she felt her outfit was appropriate and she pulled up her dress and showed me shorts underneath and said she was wearing tennis shoes also in case they decided to do any activities at the zoo. I died laughing, because of course Mary was prepared! Also her dress had a jungle print and she always loved dressing in a theme. She and J were all smiles and Mary had a ton of excited energy. He never once seemed to notice her bald head or NG tube coming out of her nose. He only saw her heart. I let them have at it and just be together. I watched from a distance and took pictures and just enjoyed seeing how happy they were all day. They constantly talked and laughed and had a blast. Towards the end of the day we got to a section of the zoo where there was a climbing wall. Mary and J wanted to try it. I was worried and skeptical but I knew Mary could do it. Right before her cancer diagnosis Mary made the top score on her PE physical. It was very involved with push ups, sit ups, pull ups and more. She was the strongest kid I have ever known and I am positive she was full of leukemia at the time now looking back on it. This day she was still strong but she had just been through strong chemo and a hospital stay. But climb they did and Mary made it to the top with J's help and encouragement. I felt there was no stopping her. I watched from the bottom trying my best not to panic. With J by her side it made the memory even more special. I tried to hide my tears of happiness and sadness all in one. He was always so sweet and kind and encouraging. It was a magical day and a memory I know Mary never forgot. Thank you J for loving Mary and for still holding her in your heart. She loved you too.
The language of friendship is not words but meanings. – Henry David Thoreau
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