Definition of hope
hopedhoping
* intransitive verb
* 1: to cherish a desire with anticipation
* 2 archaic : trust
* transitive verb
* 1 : to desire with expectation of obtainment
* 2 : to expect with confidence : trust hoper nounhope against hope
* : to hope without any basis for expecting fulfillment
Maddy asked me if we were going to church for the Christmas Eve service this year . I told her "yes" and she was just so excited. It is a Christmas tradition but it also obviously means a lot to her. I have to confess that although we love our church and they have been nothing but accepting, loving and supportive of our family during this difficult time we have pulled away. It is wrong and unfair and mainly unfair for our children. I can make many excuses and say "We live too far away, it's very inconvenient." But in truth I think there are other more "real" reasons. We have been back to church since Mary passed on a few occasions and all the many wonderful memories flooded in and I started to break down, feel embarrassed and raw. I emotionally can't do it. Part of it is that deep down I feel God failed me and I don't want to enter his house right now. Some of it is that maybe I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself and I just don't want a reminder of the failure I have been dealing with my faith. But when Maddy asked me this question I had to start to mentally prepare for the visit. If you have ever been to a Christmas Eve service at RUMC it is more than just a service. There isn't anything particularly different or special that they do. In fact it is probably similar to the thousands of Christmas Eve services around the world. But there is something truly magical about it. I think it is the honesty, true love and grace you feel filling the room. I think just about anyone who has been will share this same feeling; it is so strong and undeniable. When we were in the hospital missing this service many friends sent me messages about the hope and spirit they felt on Christmas Eve at the service and I was always so grateful for the pictures and the mental reminder. My heart longed to be with them actually seeing the candle light on my children's faces again...all three. The message is always the same, but the magic never fades. At the end of the service as the congregation lights a candle one by one I would often gaze at my perfect, beautiful children as the candle light hit their face just right and the glow made them look like literal angels as they sang. The most wonderful spirit of peace would fill me. It always brought happy, joyful tears to my eyes. The message is always about hope. The reassurance that there is hope when all seems lost. Hope for a better tomorrow and hope for our world no matter how broken. And hope for me no matter how broken. I am reinded that many times in history all hope seemed lost, but it wasn't. Many Christians were lost and found. Jesus brought hope to a broken world and still does to broken people. So we will go and I will still be an emotional mess. We will be missing an angel and a part of our heart. I will try to absorb the message and believe again in hope. Without hope there really is not much to live for. I will look forward to a new year that I pray is filled with lots of hope and happiness.
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Revelation 21:4
“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
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