So for Thanksgiving we decided to head to a beach and spend a few days away from home and hopefully away from daily stress and anxiety. We visited Disney World for the day along with a million other people .We haven't been in several years and not since Mary passed. It was crowded and crazy and great fun for Whit and Maddy. But the whole day at Disney I just relived flashbacks and memories of being there with Mary. I only wished she could be with us. Even though Disney promotes the saying "Where wishes come true", they didn't. Mary who loved life and Disney and anything fun life had to offer should be vacationing with us. My wish didn't come true. Real life doesn't involve magical fairy dust or happy endings always. JW (5yrs) got through the gates and proclaimed, "This is so fake." And in many ways he was right about that. The magic is gone, my smile and laughter is sometimes fake. Oh how I wish I could be oblivious and happy and life could seem magical again. Last time we were at Disney Mary rode every ride she could. She didn't much care about the princesses but instead wanted to meet Mary Poppins. She loved the movie and asked the Mary Poppins character, "Where are Michael and Jane Banks?" (The children in the movie) That is just "so Mary". She was so unique and wonderful at the same time. Funny and sweet without effort. Instead of a princess costume she picked out the most adorable vintage and much less flashy and sparkly "Alice in Wonderland" dress. That was also "so Mary." Mary was quirky and different from the crowd but also amazingly wonderful and refreshing. She was never flashy or loud (well sometimes) but still a leader and important in the lives of the people she knew. On this trip we all had fun and made new memories but we will always have a missing hole in our family. Taking a group/family picture is difficult without Mary.
Later in the week we went to Universal and I was secretly hoping it would be less sad and more distracting for me since this was a new experience and somewhere we had not been before. But Harry Potter world made me miss Mary even more. Mary would have spent the whole day at Harry Potter and she would have dressed and lived the part. It was right up her alley. She loved the movies and one year dressed as Hermione for Halloween. Whit equally enjoyed it I think and often mentioned how much Mary would have loved to be there also. Obviously she wasn't far from anyone's mind and heart. Whit got an owl and named it "Baba", the name he always called Mary. It broke my heart but made me happy all at the same time.
Maybe some of my magic is gone. Life and reality has stolen that from me, but I always have hope and enjoy seeing the magic still in Whit and Maddy's eyes. For Christmas the kids want to be at home. They missed the traditional turkey meal with cousins and grandparents. As much as I would like to escape reality for a few days I want them to be content and happy if I am able to make that happen. They deserve happy memories and to have some magic in their life. So I will cry silent tears hanging every ornament and decoration and opening every present. But I will do it because it makes the ones around me happy and I know Mary is smiling also.
"That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up." -Walt Disney
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