PTSD🙁

PTSD
I was sitting around flipping through the Internet and an article about the PTSD people experience after extreme trauma pops up. I began reading and researching and found it very interesting and helpful. PTSD was definitely something I don't think I was prepared for after returning home from Mary's passing. Also the extreme anxieties were and still are hard to handle. I have always been a laid back easy going person and these emotions can be overwhelming.  I didn't and still don't 💯 understand it. I'm am not sure I ever will. I thought PTSD was something only soldiers after war experienced. Obviously anyone who experiences extreme trauma can have PTSD in some shape or form. It is something that should be taken very seriously. I now know I have it to some extent. I never in my life had a panic attack until a month or so after Mary's death.  Since then I have had a few more. I am still not sure what triggers these episodes. It was an awful feeling of being trapped and feeling major panic. I was unable to breathe or catch my breath easily. From what I understand about PTSD it can have varying degrees and last from a few months or indefinitely.
I have not been officially diagnosed but it is obvious I have it and I don't need a doctor to label me. It's not that hard to figure out. The first type is:
Re-experiencing symptoms.
* Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
* Bad dreams
* Frightening thoughts

Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. The symptoms can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing symptoms.
To me this explains a little of what the panic attacks felt like. One of my worst experiences was as I was being put under for a colonoscopy. I panicked and freaked out. Flashbacks of Mary having procedures and undergoing anesthesia was all that filled my head. My heart was beating out of my chest and I remember crying and screaming for them to let me go home-then I was out. I haven't made it to a doctors appointment since until this past week. I had a CT scan for stomach issues I was having (probably caused by stress and anxiety). I went alone, as was my choice, but the anxiety about the appointment was almost overwhelming. I wasn't worried about the diagnosis I was more worried about handling the procedures and the looming anxiety of having flashbacks. I did ok. But filling out paperwork and having to list my children and illnesses brings anxiety. Praying the doctor doesn't ask any questions about your lost child brings up even more anxiety. I really didn't want to lose it and look like an unstable "fruit loop" in the office. This has happened too many times before. Then I had the CT scan and the IV poke and then the flashbacks came roaring in. Poor Mary in so many scan tubes, getting so many pokes was all I could focus on. It was too much. I thought about the lies I told her believing she would be ok and that these tests were needed to make her better. I believed some of what I told her but mostly I hid my fear so she would remain strong in her fight. I made it out of the test in tact...but barely.

The next type is Avoidance Symptoms.

* Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the traumatic experience
* Avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the traumatic event
Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.
This is a biggie. Sometimes I have a plan to go somewhere and then I just can't make myself go. I'm not exactly sure what triggers it. I may be really looking forward to an event and the closer it gets I just can't make myself follow through. It's very weird.  I have gifts bought and an outfit picked out and then I just can't. It's like I just want to run away and hide instead or curl up in a ball and go back to bed.  I haven't been able to step back inside a hospital or return to Memphis since Mary left because I am afraid I can't handle it. I also remember avoiding driving for a long time and also being afraid to drive after losing a close friend in a car wreck many years ago. I still have driving phobias. I don't do well in traffic or at night. If I get lost I have a panic attack. If I had enough money I would for sure have a personal driver like "Driving Miss Daisy". I mostly stay within a 5 miles radius of home 90% of the time. If I have somewhere to be further away I inevitably get lost, even with google maps, because I am distracted and I panic. It's horrible.

Some common PTSD symptoms include:
Guilt, shame, or self-blame
Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
Depression or hopelessness, including suicidal thoughts and feelings
Substance abuse
Physical aches and pains

How to fix it. According to "experts":

Self help tips to overcoming PTSD
1. Get moving
2. Self-regulate your nervous system
3. Connect with others
4. Make healthy lifestyle changes

I think overcoming PTSD is a work in progress. Once you recognize you have it you are half way to fixing it. Some days I feel strong and pretty great and then I fall back into the anxiety and paralyzingly fear.





How can you help a loved one with PTSD?
1. Provide social support
2. Be a good listener
3. Rebuild trust and safety
4. Anticipate and manage triggers
5. Deal with volatility and anger
6. Take care of yourself

What NOT to do:
Don't...
* Give easy answers or blithely tell your loved one everything is going to be okay
* Stop your loved one from talking about their feelings or fears
* Offer unsolicited advice or tell your loved one what they "should" do
* Blame all of your relationship or family problems on your loved one's PTSD
* Invalidate, minimize, or deny your loved one's traumatic experience
* Give ultimatums or make threats or demands
* Make your loved one feel weak because they aren't coping as well as others
* Tell your loved one they were lucky it wasn't worse
* Talk over your own personal experiences or feelings

I hope this information is helpful. I started looking into it out of curiosity and found it interesting and very beneficial for me. It's a complicated and difficult issue, and should definitely be addressed when someone goes through a traumatic event of any kind. PTSD sucks!!!
www.curechildhoodcancer.org/united