Steve reminded me that a year ago on a Wed. last year Mary's "Celebration of life" was held. That day was such a blur. I dreaded that day so very much. Planning your child's service is so very surreal and something no parent should have to do. How do you pick out a casket and flowers? All I kept thinking through tears was that I should be picking out a prom dress or a wedding dress and wedding flowers. This was so wrong. Mary and I always loved watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and she always said she would have a pink wedding dress one day. Of course she would! And believe me, if we made it to that day she would get anything she wanted. She could have a polka dot rainbow dress and ride in on a purple unicorn if that was her wish. And I am sure she would wish that! Since I love photo shoots with the kids I had anticipated a future one, I recently ordered a beutiful pink ballerina dress for Mary to wear in an upcoming shoot. Hoping it would make a wonderful homecoming picture and Christmas card. But knowing in the back of my mind it might not be that and that it most likely would be her burial gown. It also looked a lot like what her wedding gown might possibly be like if she picked it. And sadly, it did become her burial gown. This and kitten slippers a dear friend sent her was what we chose to bury her in. How depressing. If you attended her service you heard Steve's amazing speech. How he had the strength to give such a moving eulogy I will never understand. I believe he spent months planning it in his head. You tend to do that to mentally prepare yourself, like it or not this is what you do when you spend hours and days in a hospital knowing your chances of leaving with a healthy child are slim. Many people claim to have been moved by his words. Hundreds were there that day. Thousands watched and heard his words via the web. So many that our church website crashed and it had to be replayed. Steve talked about how we put a man on the moon years ago and since then only a few drugs have been developed for childhood cancers. How does that make sense? How so much research and change has been made in our world and advances in technologies all over the world but so little has been done for our children. How does this make sense? And now we are faced with a child that didn't have to die but has because we failed her and many others. Did you listen and feel moved to help bring about a change? Or did you leave just feeling thankful it wasn't your family that this touched? I hope you left wanting to take action and that you have in some way. You can give to our fund. You can give to CURE. You can help with fund raising efforts. There is so much you can do. Please don't sit there and do nothing and just be thankful it wasn't you. Because tomorrow it might be you. I have been to more funerals for children than I care to count. My children have seen too many friends die. It is wrong and scary.
A memory from Mary's service I will never forget was towards the end of the service and we planned to release pink and gold balloons. As we sat in the sanctuary I knew it was raining and I was worried we wouldn't be able to do the release. As we came outside I heard a loud clap of thunder and the heavens opened up and just above the church and only above the church a circle of blue sky opened. The music to fight song played and the balloons were released. I talked later to a church employee who was outside that day. He informed me that they were about to call off the balloon release worried about everyone's safety with the approaching storm. But they felt a heavenly presence and decided to wait. With the clap of thunder and the opening of the heavens they knew it was Mary saying, "It is going to be okay". And it was. Everything cleared up after that. He also told me he had been to many services and felt the presence of God clearly and strongly at only a few and Mary's was definitely one of them. That has given me much peace. I feel the clap of thunder was also Mary's call to TAKE ACTION and I hope you will! If you haven't yet...do it today!
www.curechildhoodcancer.org/united
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