Dear Mary Elizabeth 💕

Dear Mary Elizabeth, 

I often wonder how I have been able to live without you. It doesn’t seem possible that you are really gone or that the world could possibly rotate without you in it. I imagine you are in a parallel universe walking right beside me. I imagine you are similar to the air. I can’t see you but I know you are there. Just like the O2 I need to survive, I also can’t live without you. Since I can’t live without you, you must still be near. I know because if I listen closely I hear your voice whisper in my ear. We sometimes meet in my dreams. We were so close and you were my best friend. A bond like that can never be broken, not even by death. I know you see my tears and watch my suffering but I promise I hear you saying “Mommy, I’m here. Don’t be sad. I love you.” I hear you and I am really really trying to be strong, strong just like you. You are my inspiration. I have never seen anyone come close to the strength you had. It is still an inspiration to so many. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people going through tough times tell me your fight got them through their struggles. They often say to me, “If Mary could do it then I can too.”  Please stay close to your daddy and Whit and Maddy. I know you do. They need you and I pray they hear you too. I often think about the advice you would be giving Maddy and how you would be rolling your eyes and laughing at her stories. I think about you hugging Whit and telling him how to play ball and how to treat girls. 

I promise I am doing better. I can tell stories about you and smile and laugh now...sometimes. I can think of you more and cry but come back to reality and keep going. I think that is called healing. I understand I can never be fully healed from losing you but maybe eventually the wound won’t bleed so much. I imagine you are busy up in Heaven. You are such a good friend and so smart. I know you are comforting those new and lost, making them feel welcome and comfortable in their new home. I know I will see you soon. For you time is most likely different, maybe it moves faster. Here on earth it seems to drag on. Soon is relative but I know the reunion is coming and the anticipation of that day keeps me going. Please keep guiding me and showing me how to keep your dreams and spirit alive. That is my job now. 

I want to apologize to you for any mistakes we made. For any unnecessary pain we caused you. We always tried to follow your wishes and keep you from pain. We tried to save you and allow you to live because we know that is what you wanted also. I know you forgive us for anything we did wrong and that gives me peace because you always forgave and had the most genuine and pure heart of anyone I’ve ever known. I also feel when you went to Heaven you were not scared and at peace. I know because I saw you smile. I love you with all of my being...I know you know. I also know you are always with me, especially during these extra difficult times like the holidays. 

I will see you soon,

Mommy ❤️
2 Corinthians 5:6-8 So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.